Race - last one out of the cinema hall is a monkey

Race is a movie of twosomes. A pair of fratricidal brothers, two dolled up, bloodthirsty women and a dull detective duo. This along with a bad side and a boring side. Abbas-Mustan's latest venture, which starts off in pole-position, with an interesting script only leaves quite the skid mark all in the wrong places.
What connects them all? Why their love for money of course, no Ram-Lakhan or Laila-Majnu scene happening here. All this set in the backdrop of a horse-racing empire, there are two horse races in the first 10 minutes and none after.
Saif is the older, assured elder, head honcho and Akshaye is the younger sot, tired of playing second fiddle all the time. The plot thickens with one hatches a plot to bump off the other for the insurance claims, but thins out since everybody bumps into each others buns ever so often, with several poorly timed songs with spine-busting choreography. All set in in Durban, South Africa.
As one hacks through cliched dialogues and philosophical and devilishly charming one-liners all heard before, one wonders why they would even need the money, Saif owns a prestigious stud farm and cheats to win horse races and blows away treacherous jockeys. Akshaye drinks beer for breakfast and they all have 007 gadgets at their disposal. Such is the opulence that the brothers change expensive cars more often than MLAs shift political loyalties.
Amidst this swirling family maelstrom are three damsels, each playing their own diabolical part to imperfection. Kaif is Saif's secretary with love in her eyes and burgeoning dialogue delivery skills, Bipasha Basu is the supermodel reincarnation of Nefertiti, with enough kohl in her eyes to rival the dead queen and Sameera, sigh, Sameera. All three seem draped in a spastic designer's tanturms.
Enter Mr. India himself as a detective in the second half after one sibling dies mysteriously. Kapoor sprouts a new look, dual earrings and several lines on his face, which mirth did not cause. Kapoor hounds the live brother suspecting foul play and eating fruit all the time. A characteristic quirk for laughter relief. Not the first time a quirk is used, but the first time fruit actually causes gas.
There are more twists in the plot than on a screw driver, but the execution at best is boring. There were times when the movie actually surprises you with a 180 degree shift, but that is offset with the above mentioned songs. The camera work is slick at times and some locales quite breath-taking, but no major effort needed there, South Africa is that way.
The car chase scenes are typical; hastened on computers, with mindless, illogical explosions. No sci-fi explanations given. The lesser mention of the songs the better.

Race is for crash test dummies.

Laudable: Katrina Kaif, only when she speaks English; three sentences.
Laughable: Saif-Bips love scene. They seem to keep licking sweat off each other in a barn.
Delectable: The cars...ohhh BMWs, Porsches, Aston Martins and a couple of horses as well.
Deplorable: Cheap comical relief, an overacting Anil Kapoor and Sameera as a "bimbo".